wow...it's been a helluva long time since i've written and i'm FAR TOO LAZY to fill in all the details of my horrible little life right now so i'm just going to write about my day.....

so ya..last night eric tried to make me straight. it didn't go over too well ;-D boys are dumb sometimes. today was sorta boring really. i started my ISU today in fashion and i have a fair bit of it done. i'm making some wire jewelry and it's easy even with my gimpy wrist. law was sort of boring too. but that's not much out of the ordinary. mr.lockyear kept disappearing and so i spent most of the class talking to Rob about cars. woo hoo. :-P we had an open book quiz thingy in history. it was easy enough, i have an assignment due on monday and i can't remember if i brought my stuff home...oh well
there was a buyout today during fourth. the Standing Ovation thing. i bought my ticket and was heading down to the gym so that i could go see it and i got abducted by a couple of friends and they dragged me downtown. i heard the presentation was good, which pisses me off because i wanted to go see it...but i had to help my friends with something so bah....
but ya...i sent an PM to Joyce and told her how i felt. :-) i'm proud of myself....and before anyone says anything about it i know she has a girlfriend already....bah...
anywho, i must be going....i have to fight with my e-mail to get it to work....





- posted by Vampy @ 4:31 PM

 
hmm...it's scary thinking that gracie can be right about things. it's very very scary. jordan cheated on me. whoo hoo. he went to the movies on friday with the Evil Female Jordan (that's actually what we call her now..such fun). and she called me before they went out to tell me that...yaa..that made sense. then on saturday she called me and was saying things like " i don't know what to do i still like him so much, gracie i need help"...so i told her what i tell everyone. "i can't help you dude, you just gotta do what your heart tells you...but if he cheats on me you're so dead"...honestly, i told her to just tell him how she feels. if he still likes her then fine, i don't care, i can't stand in the way of anything. but ya....she called me monday night and told me that she had taken my advice and talking had lead to other things...great. that explains why neither of them were there on monday. but i didn't see the male jordan all day today...which sucks cause i wanted to torture him a bit. but i did see the female jordan and she tried to convince me to go and be all nicey-nicey to the other one. not happening. but not like it matters cause i didn't see him all day, but all of my friends had...odd...
see, i don't have a problem with breakups at all unless they're under these specific circumstances. he cheated on me, which pisses me off a whole hell of a lot because if he had simply said that he still had feelings for her i wouldnt give a damn. but he LIED to me about it all. he told me that he hated her, and that he couldn't stand her cause she was so damn annoying. i am very relaxed person when it comes to dating, as long as they're honest with me, and i can trust them then there is no problem. but when someone lies to me, when i tried so damn hard to stay honest it makes me angry...
but i'm a little confused on how to feel. i'm pissed about him lying but i'm not upset at all about losing the relationship...maybe because it was going nowhere and i don't think that i liked him as anything more than just a friend. that's becoming a real problem with me.i've been told that my failed relationships with guys can all be blamed on me coming to grips with who i am. i become friends with a guy and i "fall" for him because that's what is expected, but i sub-conciously try to drive them away because i know that it's just not right. it's all for one last hope of being normal because i am way to freaking afraid of the reactions i'll get otherwise.....
whoa...what a complicated way of saying that it was a cover up relationship...hehehe
anywho...i'm tired and i'm way behind on one of my projects...so ya....

- posted by Vampy @ 6:35 PM

 
mum and i finished the floor today in my new room, tres spiffy if i may say so myself. we went to belleville to pick up some fabric for curtains and we went to lunch at Dairy Queen. mmm, nothing like some nasty teenage attitude to go with your cheeseburger. honestly, how hard is it to be nice to the customers for five minutes and actually give them what they order the first time instead of making the customers go back a couple of times to get what they want. fucking teenagers. heh.
anywho, we didn't spend much time in belleville so for the rest of the afternoon mum and i moved stuff around upstairs. i've got most of my stuff in my new room now. just my clothes and my bed are left in the old room. i get the lovely choice of sleeping on the couch, the floor or in mum's room tonight because my room is such a sty and i can't actually get to my bed because of all the other things we had to stash in there for the time being...thank god the couch in comfy. mum is continually offering me the otherside of her bed, seeing as dad is away for the weekend. but honestly i'd rather sleep on the couch and spend the money that i'd have to use on therapy bills if i slept in her room, on more amusing things...like slinkies.
i really don't like sleeping in the same room as anyone i'm related to. unless it's my girlfriend, or a friend i've known for a while i generally can't sleep in the same room as anyone...it's a pain in the ass on march break though. i have to spend the entire week sharing a room with my parents, which means i get absolutely no sleep. bah...people who snore should be smothered in their sleep. it should be considered an act of self defence.
ouch...shoulder cracked....hmm, shoulder is not going to like the couch tonight. oh well....
what else is new? not much really. my life is just filled with excitement. the female jordan is trying to move in on my boyfriend again methinks. she called me friday and asked what i was up to, then told me that she was going to go see Scary Movie 3 with my boyfriend. see, i don't really care about this. he can hang around with whomever he wants to. but the female jordan called me again today and asked me advice on what to do about whether she should go for jordan again and risk pissing me and her New Thing off, or should she just stick with her current boyfriend. "i still really have feelings for him. i need some advice". hmm... alright.
let me just get this bit of information out before i get totally confused. admittedly i like the male jordan, and he is my boyfriend, but i'm not overly protective about these things, and honestly i would not be hurt at all if he didn't want to be with me anymore. jordan and jordan were dating first, and despite the fact that i hate the female jordan (for unrelated reasons) if they still like each other they can go for it. i'm not one to stand in the way of other people's happiness.
you want the complete and total honesty? jordan really is a nice guy, but he's more like a friend then anything and things just aren't right between us. he's a pathological liar and because of that i don't know fuck all about who he really is. he doesn't really seem to have any ambition in life either...it's just not...bah...right. i really can't stand not knowing anything about him, and i ask him too, i ask him about his life and he spouts out these stories which i honestly know can't be true.
anywho..onwards....this may prove to be a lengthy entry....so just skim it for anything interesting. (which i doubt there will be much of)
over the last few months i've really been working on solidifying things in my head. it was simply time to stop screwing around and get a clear image of who i was so i can move on with my life. i've learned a lot about myself, and incedently i've learned a lot about other people too. i've become a better judge of character, so hopefully i won't get myself into quite as many annoying situations (read: fucked up friendships with annoying self-centered whores) as i used to. i think i've changed a fair bit. well...not actually changed, just brought out the parts of me that suit me best.
i still have a few things i really don't understand about myself, but it's getting easier. it's all just a matter of time until i can honestly say that i know who i am, and what i want in life....or until i have a mental breakdown...either one is okie dokie...
but ya...this probably all sounds a little odd, but you'd have to know what i'm thinking to understand why i'm so happy about this. i've figured something major out about myself and it's not like i expected at all. before i thought that knowing this would be like becoming a new person and sorta having to start all over. but it's not like that at all. i feel so much more comfortable now, nothing's changed, just this neat realization of who i am....hehe, that lovely warm fuzzy feeling....
anywho...i sound crazy....i'm tired...and Poltergeist is on!
- posted by Vampy @ 8:45 PM

 
oh wierd...it's been a terribly long time since i've written anything in here. at least that's what i think. it might have only been a few days, or weeks...who knows? but there's not been much to write really. jordan and jordan broke up, finally. those two were doomed from the start. at least that's my theory. cause the female jordan is a cheating, controlling psycho, and the male jordan is just...well...like me, which means he doesn't like cheating, controlling psychos.....but ya...i went out with a bunch of friends on friday, that was highly amusing. lotsa stupid fun, and i think jordan and i got suckered into taking fluffy's little brother trick-or-treating...whooo hooo....that ought to be....fun....
saturday my parents and i went and picked out flooring for my room, and then i was forced to carry the boxes of it upstairs to my room...and may i say that those boxes (click flooring?) weigh a tonne for weak little arms like mine. lol, i'm not really weak..it's just that we have a lot of stairs, and they're twisty...so it wasn't fun. then dad and i worked on closing the pool and i went out with some more friends last night. got ditched by them all and ended up at jordan's house. we watched 6th Day and part of Hackers, then he walked me home and it took us almost two hours to get there cause we kept bugging each other and getting side tracked. lotsa fun...lotsa fun....
but ya...today dad and i finished closing the pool, which was just flat out cold...*shivers* not cool...then we ate lotsa turkey and lumpy mashed potatoes (which is the way that they SHOULD be....). tomorrow i'm going out with the same people i was with on friday night, at least we should be...it all depends really cause this is going to be a last minute notice type thing cause most of those people are working right now...bastards...
but ya...i should go...i have 127 e-mails that need to be deleted...i really need to check my e-mail more often....for shame gracie
- posted by Vampy @ 5:12 PM

 
ouch...ya...so anyway...never introduce your female friends to your male friends if you expect to keep both as friends. right now my friend Micha is over at my friend Speedo's place...and quite honestly that's just not cool. Micha, as it turns out was just using me to get closer to Speedo (despite his rather unfortuneate nick-name), and i'll say again, that's just not cool. ya, see most of ya'll that are reading this are probably thinking "hey, it's ok...so what if two of your friends are dating...you won't be replaced"...see, it's not being replaced that's bothering me...it's the way Micha used me.
see, i don't really care if anyone likes my friends, but when someone LEADS ME ON to get closer to my friends, that's just freaking shitty.
bah....
girls suck...she told me she liked me...she even kissed me, and now she's dating one of my friends....i'm a little confused here...naw, i'm really confused...and pissed off...
but ya...i'm going to regret posting this aren't i?
fuck it


- posted by Vampy @ 9:31 PM

 
i got asked today if i were a boy or a girl. heh. i didn't think i looked that much like a guy. then i got asked if i cut my hair so i would look like i guy. no, i'm pretty sure that wasn't why. i just hated those fucking pigtails. it's amusing that people think they've got you figured out just by looking at you. ya i look like a guy, doesn't necessarily mean that i want to be one. ya i'm a goth, doesn't mean that i'm suicidal. ack...stereotypes...
*bangs head repeatedly* i forgot my books at school!!!! damn it...oh well...lol worse things have happened...and right now i don't care cause it's not like i'd actually do my homework anyway right? right. ya....anywho....
i'm cold....i'm freaking freezing...i haven't been even remotely warm in like 2 weeks it seems....where the hell as all the heat gone? my hands are like ice. i think if i sneezed right now it'd freeze into a "snot-sicle" as my brother would say. ewwww...that's being a tad over dramatic, but seriously, it's damn cold in this house.
ohh...isn't it just great when one of your friends asks you what one of your other friends has said about them. ohhh yay. ya, luckily i don't pay attention enough to what either of them says anymore to actually know...meh....
ya...i think i'm going to go over and bug jen...or call her if i can find her damned number....bah...i'll just walk...it'll probably be faster anyway.





- posted by Vampy @ 4:42 PM

 
I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time...
i really feel like singing right now, so this is going to be sorta shortish so i can go off and scare people with my lousy voice. *cough cough* i'm sick!
anywho, last night was the first dance of the school year. lotsa bad Michael Jackson impressions and wigger dance moves being thrown around. it was a dance like any other, and everyone in the world seemed to be paired up with someone. i on the other hand got passed around from person to person...which i sorta felt crappy about but who the fuck cares? no one else does so why should i? anywho...dad and i watched The Breakfast Club today...it's been ages since i've seen that movie and i forgot how funny it was. i then raided my brother's stash of CDs and shit and stole a bunch of his music, then stole back some of my music...hahaha...nice try...Primus is mine be-yotch! ya...anywho....there's not much else to say really. i'm kinda really tired, and kinda really sore (my knee wants to kill me i swear)...ack, god damned virus scan....now i have to stay online for a while....stupid fucking thing...*shakes fist and curses it* oh ya...mum's going to take me to get my ears pierced again...finally. and next weekend i have to go to Toronto...oh joy...at least i've been bribed with the promise of the Art Deco show at the ROM...yayness...the rest of it's going to suck though
bah...bah...black sheep...lol



- posted by Vampy @ 7:22 PM